THESE POSTS HAVE BEEN SHAMELESSLY STOLEN FROM OUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS' WALLS. Post something funny on your wall, and be sure to find it here! Following posts from friends.
“D……I am glad that McDonalds does not sell hot dogs. Seriously I could never order a "McWeiner" with a straight face.
“A……is currently taking applications for an evil minion. Must be fluent in Sarcasm and have a creative evil minion name. Please list your name and proof of sarcasm.”
“I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool....to poke a Hontas.”
Comment: ”why isn't there a <<<GROAN>>> button ???”
“If you're ever chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, over a little see-saw and through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.”
C….. said: “Today’s task: To take a DNA test to prove that I am Oprah’s half-brother.”
“A……. is a sweet, quiet, innocent angel... Okay! You can all stop laughing now.”
K…… needs a wife for about 1 hr. No not for that. I need just to go get groceries and then we can divorce.
When you keep getting the wrong answers, try asking better questions. ~JLH
PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT...THIS IS NOT A TEST!!!
My 37th birthday is right arnd the corner...Feb 2nd...not even ashamed to let it b known that i am expectn NICE gifts...since most will have their refund cks by then...for size info hit me up...SO SERIOUS!!! THANKN U N ADVANCE...:-)!!!
just saw an ad for Scream 4 saying it's the most anticipated film of the decade.... umm... someone needs the tell that guy that we are only 24 days into the decade so i have not been anticipating it that long actually not at all
“My bloody neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. Can you believe that?! 2:30am!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...”
“D……I am glad that McDonalds does not sell hot dogs. Seriously I could never order a "McWeiner" with a straight face.
“A……is currently taking applications for an evil minion. Must be fluent in Sarcasm and have a creative evil minion name. Please list your name and proof of sarcasm.”
“I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool....to poke a Hontas.”
Comment: ”why isn't there a <<<GROAN>>> button ???”
“If you're ever chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, over a little see-saw and through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.”
C….. said: “Today’s task: To take a DNA test to prove that I am Oprah’s half-brother.”
“A……. is a sweet, quiet, innocent angel... Okay! You can all stop laughing now.”
K…… needs a wife for about 1 hr. No not for that. I need just to go get groceries and then we can divorce.
When you keep getting the wrong answers, try asking better questions. ~JLH
PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT...THIS IS NOT A TEST!!!
My 37th birthday is right arnd the corner...Feb 2nd...not even ashamed to let it b known that i am expectn NICE gifts...since most will have their refund cks by then...for size info hit me up...SO SERIOUS!!! THANKN U N ADVANCE...:-)!!!
just saw an ad for Scream 4 saying it's the most anticipated film of the decade.... umm... someone needs the tell that guy that we are only 24 days into the decade so i have not been anticipating it that long actually not at all
“My bloody neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. Can you believe that?! 2:30am!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...”
Gotta love it when your husband sends you a text when he leaves for work telling you there is a mouse in the house and he will take care of it after work!! EEEEEEEECCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
“BORROWED FROM A FRIEND: This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 .... NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it WILL EQUAL TO 111. The younger ones born in the 2000's.... you are not excluded you still add up to 11.... Do you believe in numbers?????”
……. can relax this weekend. she got her weekly exercise by pushing her luck, throwing out her options, running in circles and jumping to conclusions.
“I am so proud of my little girl using the potty and toilet”
Answer: “It’s great when it starts to fall into place for them!”
“I regret that the only thing I remember from this morning was my breakfast, Asiago Cheese Bagel with Smoked Salmon Schmear from Einstein Bros. Too bad for calculus XD”
“I use profanity the way Picasso used a paint brush.”
“Anybody seen my motivation? I think it ran off with the cleaning fairy, the homework fairy and the laundry fairy!!”
“ok..I can't believe I have to see this out loud (well not really out loud). but I simply cannot be friends with you if find George Lopez funny. I'm sorry, but there can be no compromise on this point”
“I'M A BITCH! ..Unfortunately most women won't re-post this. I'm a handful, I'm strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I am sometimes out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
I'm not insane!!! I am voluntarily indifferent to conventional rationality. =)
”It is sometimes difficult to distinguish the OMG moments from the WTF moments in life.”
DID YOU KNOW THAT IT TAKES YOUR BRAIN 20 MINUTES TO TELL YOUR STOMACH THAT IT IS FULL?
You would rather be super-glued to the Tasmanian Devil in a Phonebooth Than Phuck with me right Now.
I'm finally starting to feel abnormal again!!! YAY!!!!
“I know it may be hard to believe, but at one point in my life I really was normal.”
”He had a lot of hair. When he was shaved he looked like a rat.”
“Guy: I call it the Octagon.
Girl: Really? Huh, I thought it was called something different……”
“I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to hamburger helper. I know it is a very serious illness.”
“Inscence...that crap lingers around you like Pigpens dust cloud”
Who new the New Super Mario Bros for Wii would turn my children into screaming, snarling, down right vicious she devils??? I blame Nintendo..
"Cause I heard Jesus, he drank wine and I bet we'd get along just fine. He could calm a storm and heal the blind and I bet He'd understand a heart like mine”
· Goooooooooooooo Penn State whoop up on some Gator ass
I am a UofL girl thru and thru...I'll always bleed red no matter WHAT! Yeah we had a loss but what counts is who's in the final 4 baby and here we come!! The best team will win in the end...but I would rather be a cardinal than a "pussy" lmao
An argument started in my house today. I feel Freddy Mercury is manly. And Lynn thinks he's effeminate. I always saw Freddy Mercury as a top. I mean hairy Chest. Mustache. And all. I guess elton john had a hairy chest. But he never wore a mustache and sung really high pitched songs
It's pronounced Milwaukee's BEAST, not best, check the spelling on the can, you'll see!
You drink too much, you cuss too much, you have questionable morals – you have everything I ever wanted in a friend!
"Lentils for dinner!"
Comment: “With these gas prices, it makes total sense to try and create your own gas!
Root canals on guy fawkes day? coincidence? nay, FATE
BE TOUGH! BE AMERICAN! (having a massive headache and violent thoughts about the society)
“Dear Friends from 2006: Remember that iPod you bought me for the birthday that got stolen? Well, the Tequesta police just found the person that did it and want to give it back to me. FOUR YEARS LATER! I don't know what's more amazing: an apple product lasting that long or it being returned to me.”
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some fairly intense goals have been set for 2011. Time to screw the head on nice and tight. Here goes'.
The future is made of virtual insanity! Make it more awesome. Happy new year.
"I’m not making no resolutions. Happy New Year to everyone else, too!"
"My Goddaughter is superior to your Goddaughter. "
"Dear sir sitting with me in the waiting room: please stop loudly conducting your business on your cellphone. "
Comment: "HOW ELSE WILL YOU KNOW HE IS IMPORTANT IF HE IS NOT SCREAMING AT NO ONE IN PARTICULAR. WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR NICETIES IN BUSINESS."
"Russell cared to send me the very best..... The flu!!!!"
"Do_you_still_have_your_old_laptop?_Can_I_have_it?_Maya_spilled_chocolate_milk
on_mine_-_the_space-button_won't_work."
“ as i recall, you guys got yelled at so bad for this. A+”
Comment: " I believe that was "You know you could be arrested" speech number 546”
“Florida! Sort it out! At least here in N.Y. we don’t have a terrifying reptile for a governor!”
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly.
“Did you steal my shirt?”
Answer: “I didn't steal it, you left it at mom's and she hates mailing things so i figured i would ..... steal it yes.”
”Testicles. Mans tool for determining precisely how hot bath water is.”
“me: "E… and i joined in a sisterhood of bitterness over everyone else's triumphs"
mom: "sounds healthy... better than frats, though"♥ loving my mom 2010
“I keep forgetting to take my Alzheimer's medication - I think.”
“diarrhea late 14c., from O.Fr. diarrie, from L. diarrhoea, from Gk. diarrhoia "diarrhea" (coined by Hippocrates), lit. "a flowing through," from diarrhein "to flow through," from dia- "through" + rhein "to flow" (see rheum). Respelled 16c. from diarria on Latin model.”
“Another stupid fact: Did you know you cant hum when u r holding your nose!”
"Dear sleep, oh how I miss you. We used to spend so much time together, but lately school has come between us. Till we meet again...”
"The problem with some women is that they get all excited over nothing - and then they marry it!”
“wonders if anyone else has road rage when pushing a cart through the aisles at Wal-Mart?”
"Here's a prediction for election night ... we're all going to be losers!”
“I raised the alarm at work today. The midgets were furious.”
"Oh, mom. My yoga book from the 1970s says CLEARLY that nobody should do yoga drunk. What are you trying to do????
Signed,
Your concerned daughter"
"I WENT TO YOUR CONCERT AND I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING."
"Will regret this, but like my status and I'll tell you what i like about you :)
.٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶ If you are allergic to shit-talk, drama-queens, liars, and pretenders, send this sneeze forward!"
"If you cant be with the one you love then...fuck the one your with!"
"I may not always land on my feet, but at least I shit in the litterbox."
"Ok Got house Clean, Took Meds, And Opened my 1st beer at 1:00 pm...It is Friday RIGHT???????"
"Oh here is the Challenge I Need 3 More FUNNY Tombstone sayings to finish our Halloween Project......I Know you guys wanna help me out Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee”
Comments:
“Sir John Strange; Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange”
“RIP Barry M. Deep
“HERE LIES the Pillsbury Dough Boy
He will rise again
“HERE LIES JOHN YEAST
Pardon me for not rising”
"Hello, you've reached the grave of Mark Spencer. He can't talk right now, but if you leave your name, number, and condolences, he'll get back to you as soon as he can."
“I may be dead, but you're ugly. You may be alive, but I'm still better looking.
"I am not cleaning this month. I will just tell everyone that the cobwebs are a part of my Halloween decorations."
"so my daughter asks me for money... and I say "what do u think, I'm made of money?" So she says "Isn't that what M.O.M. stands for?" ..... Gotta love the tweenie years!!!!!!!
"A friend suggested using vodka for cleaning. Sure enough, the more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked!"
